AND SO I WROTE A POEM

I MISS IT
I LOG ONTO MY COMPUTER
AND THE PRETTY
PINK
SCREEN
AWAITS ME
OH, DARKNESS IN MY SOUL
I HAVE NOT
TIME TO BLOG TODAY
AND NOW I STAND
AN EXPLODED SPLEEN IN MY HANDS
(EW, BTW)
MISSING MY BLOG

THE INTERNET IS YET AGAIN BLESSD WITH MY PRITTY HAIRS.

I SWEAR TO GOD, GUISE, I THINK I'VE MISSED YOU AS MUCH AS I WOULD MISS MY MOUSSE. IF I WERE EVER TO LOSE IT. WHICH I WOULD NOT. UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

SO NOW IS THE TIME WHEN YOU ALL GO ON AND ON ABOUT HOW YOU HAVE MISSED ME.

[[ON A SIDE NOTE, I AM NO LONGER RULED BY THE GREAT pirate_eggie BUT INSTEAD BY THE...SLIGHTLY LESS GREAT nonconformity93 IT SEEMS SHE'S VERY NERVOUS ABOUT DEALING WITH ME AND MY BEAUTYYYFUL HAIRS...BUT I, MYSELF, AM SURE SHE'LL DO GREAT, AREN'T YOU?]]

EVER SINCE GOD GOT BAHLEETED, MY LIFE HAS SPIRALED DOWNWARD INTO A BLACK ABYSS OF MISERY. I THOUGHT I HAD TURNED AWAY FROM THE PATH OF THE LORD YEARS AGO AFTER LEAVING SEMINARY SCHOOL BUT ALL I CAN FEEL NOW IS A HUGE HOLE IN MY HEART ONCE OCCUPIED BY GOD. THAT HOLE IS PROBABLY ABOVE MY MITRAL VALVE IN CASE PEOPLE DON'T BELIEVE ME; IT'S THERE ALL RIGHT (LOLOLZ HOW'S THAT FOR DEEP CAMERON'S GONNA BE SCAMPERING HER WAY INTO MY PANTS NOW LOLOLZ).

ANYWAY A BLACK PIT FULL OF MISERY AND DESPAIR...AND LEMON JELLO CUPS FOR SOME REASON...THAT'S WHERE I'VE BEEN WALLOWING FOR THE LAST FIVE DAYS, IN CASE YOU'VE MISSED ME (I KNOW YOU HAVE CUDDY). WHILE I WAS WALLOWING, I WROTE SOME BAD POETRY AND CUT MYSELF WITH RAZOR BLADES, JUST SO I COULD FEEL AGAIN. I FILLED THE VOID LEFT BY GOD WHEN HE GOT B& WITH THE STINGING OF MY TEARS ON MY RED, RED WOUNDS.

(LOLOLZ DAMMIT I'M GOOD CHICKS DIG SENSITIVITY AND EMOTIONZ)

IN ANY CASE I'VE RECOVERED SOMEWHAT WELL ENOUGH TO RETURN TO PPTH. FOR SOME REASON THERE IS A DOLPHIN WANDERING AROUND THE NICU. I'M WORRIED HE MIGHT GIVE TEH BABEEZ DOLPHIN FLU.

ANYWAY HERE IS MY POETRY; IT IS SO DEEP:

REFLECTION ON THE GAPING HOLE ABOVE MY MITRAL VALVE #1
OH GOD
WHERE HAVE YOU GONE
THERE IS A HOLE IN THE SKY
WHERE ONCE YOUR LARGE AND UNWIELDY HEAD REIGNED
MOUTH FLAPPING LIKE A SLAB OF OLD STEAK BEING MAULED BY AN ANGRY PITBULL
NOW THERE IS ONLY THAT HOLE
IN THE SKY AND IN MY HEART
ABOVE THE MITRAL VALVE
WILL YOU EVER RETURN?


DESPAIR SMELLS LIKE BACON AND LEMON JELLO
BLACK SORROWFUL PIT
FULL OF CRUSHED AND EMPTY JELLO CUPS
CLEARLY HOUSE WAS HERE
I GUESS THE MATERNITY WARD
DIDN'T WANT HIM WATCHING
SKINEMAX AND GENERAL HOSPITAL
ON THEIR 57 INCH FLATSCREEN TV ANY MORE
IT ALSO SMELLS LIKE BACON IN HERE

ANYWAY THE NICU IS KIND OF SLOW. I'M GOING TO WRITE MORE POETRY. CAMERON, WHERE ARE YOU?

CUDDY, YOUR SUPER-AIDS BIRD FLU WAS A ROIGHT GOOD JOKE. I HAD A GOOD LAUGH WHILE I PRETENDED TO VACCINATE PATIENTS AT THE CLINIC. NOTHING A LITTLE SALINE SOLUTION AND A LOLLY WON'T FIX, I SAY. HAHAHA! I'M LAUGHING STILL! SUPER-AIDS! IS THAT LIKE...GIANT-SIZED AIDS?

OTHER THAN THAT I DIDN'T ACTUALLY DO ANYTHING OF IMPORT TODAY, SO INSTEAD I WILL PARAPHRASE PLAGIARISE MY COUNTERPART AT A BETTER-KNOWN "RPG" OR WOTEVER IT IS YEW GOIYS CALL THIS DAMN THING.

LOLZ TODAY I CRIED INTO MY PILLOW COZ I HURT MESELF THE OTHER DAY WHILE SMACKING MY BITCH CAMERON UP/EJECTING HER FROM MY APARTMENT (ALTHOUGH I CAN'T IMAGINE WHY) THEN I VACUUMED MY MASSIVE PENTHOUSE OF AN APARTMENT AND TERRORIZED ONE OF THE FIFTY BILLION CATS I'M BABYSITTING FOR CAMERON. IT WAS LOTS OF FUN COZ I LOVE TERRORIZING SMALL ANIMALS. THAT'S NOT ILLEGAL, IF ANYBODY ASKS. IN SUM I AM AWESOMENESS DEFINED.

NOW I HAVE TO GO DO A DEEP CONDITIONING HAIR MASK THINGY. IF ANYBODY NEEDS ME I'LL BE IN THE MATERNITY WARD LOUNGE. THEY HAVE A NICE BATHROOM.

BY THE WAY CAMERON, IF ANYBODY ASKS, YOU FELL DOWN THE STAIRS LOLZ.

WHOAH WHOAH WHOAH

WHY THE FUCK IS BENJAMIN FRANKLIN WANDERING AROUND PRINCETON PLAINSBORO?

FIRST OF ALL, EXCUSE MY LACK OF KNOWLEDGE OF AMERICAN HISTORY, BEING AUSTRALIAN AND ALL, BUT ISN'T HE DEAD?

SECOND OF ALL, HE APPEARS NOT TO BE DEAD RIGHT NOW. DOES THIS MEAN THERE IS A ZOMBIE EPIDEMIC AFOOT? THAT WAS SUCH A PAIN IN THE ARSE THE LAST TIME IT HAPPENED. CUDDY, WHERE DID WE PUT THE CHAINSAWS FOR THAT?

THIRD OF ALL, EVEN IF THE ESTEEMED DOCTOR FRANKLIN IS NOT, IN FACT, ONE OF THE SOULLESS LIVING DEAD, SHOULDN'T HE BE WANDERING AROUND HIS HOOD IN ILLADELPHIA, SPECIFICALLY THE HOSPITAL AT THE UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA? EVEN SO, I SUPPOSE WE COULD TREAT HIM NOW THAT HE'S HERE AT THE PPTH.

FOURTH OF ALL, I AM LATE TO MY APPOINTMENT IN THE MRI ROOM. NOBODY IS TO PAGE ME, FIND ME, BOTHER ME, ETC. ONCE I AM THERE. DR. CAMERON AND I WILL BE ENGAGING IN SOME VERY IMPORTANT WORK. DISTURB AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!!! I'LL CUT YOU!!!!

I JUST SPENT FIFTY MINUTES BLOWDRYING MY HAIR. THEN I RAN OUT OF PRODUCT SO I HAD TO RUN TO THE STORE AND BUY SOME, WHICH TOOK ANOTHER FORTY MINUTES BECAUSE THE FUCKING STUPID CLERK RANG UP MY HAIR WAX AS POMADE, THAT BLOODY RETARD. HAIR WAX IS NOT THE SAME THING AS POMADE. IT GIVES DEFINITION WITHOUT WEIGHING DOWN MY GORGEOUS FLOWING LOCKS. GOD, DOES NO ONE KNOW THE DIFFERENCE? CRETINS.

SO SORRY IF I MISSED ANYTHING, I'VE HAD A ROUGH DAY.

MRSA IN THE HIZZOUSE, BITCHES!!